every medicine on the market is like
pros: you’ll stop coughing
cons: you might die
*points to bedroom* This is where we frick frack.
*points to kitchen* This is where we snick snack.
*points to living room* This is where we kick back.
*points to bathroom* This is where we shit shat.
*points to couch* This is where we chit chat.
*points to computer* This is where we click clack.
*points to shelf* This is where weknick knack.
*points to sex dungeon* This is where we paddy-whack.
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
I JUST BUSTED OUT LAUGHIGN BECAUSE WHEN I WAS 9 MY FAVORITE ANIMAL WAS A COUGAR SO I WOULD GOOGLE PICTURES OF COUGARS SO I COULD TRY TO DRAW THEM AND I WAS REALLY CONFUSED WHEN I WOULD GET WEIRD LOOKING PICTURES OF MIDDLE AGED WOMEN AND I JUST REALIZED WHY
when i was 14, i proposed to this girl in my class and she said yes but our parents said we were too young to get married so we tried to do it in secret and one of my friends found this shady guy to marry us but then the girl broke up with me when she transferred schools and we never got the marriage annulled but i don’t even know if it was official in the first place so long story short, i think i might be married.